Tag Archive for: reciprocity

Persuading Personality Types: The Facilitator/Amiable

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Up today are the results for the facilitator/amiable individuals. Folks who fall into this group are dependable, loyal and easygoing. They prefer things, people and activities that are non-threatening and friendly. They don’t like dealing with impersonal details or cold hard facts. It may surprise you to know facilitators are usually quick to make decisions. Others often describe amiables as warm people who are sensitive to the feelings of others.

Words that describe the facilitator/amiable are: patient, loyal, sympathetic, team person, relaxed, mature, supportive, stable, considerate, empathetic, persevering, trusting and congenial.

Of those that took the survey, 58 people (22%) considered themselves amiable. When compared to the average response rates, people in this group responded most to the principles of liking, authority and consensus.

Liking

Because amiables are nice, easy going people who focus on more on relationships than tasks it’s probably no surprise to anyone that the principle of influence that would impact them the most would be liking. Liking is important with everyone but much more so with these folks and the influence/expressive type.

The first survey question really stood out: There’s a popular movie out, one you’ve been thinking about seeing. Which would be most likely to get you to go? For each group the overwhelming answer chosen was – A couple of good friends are going. For the driver and analytic about 60% said that was their reason for going to the movies but three out of four amiables said this was why they’d go.

The other question that was noticeable was the last on the survey:

Q – Someone at work needs your help. You’re hesitant at first because you’re pressed for time before your vacation. You decide to work overtime and help mostly because:

A – It’s a long-time friend.

Half of the amiables said they’d stay late for the long-time friend where the average for all people taking the test was slightly more than a third.

Authority

I have to admit I was surprised by the data that showed authority was a big motivator for amiables. The choices for all groups, except the influencer/expressive, were above 50% when the question involved money (buying a laptop or car, changing careers). In fact, with each of those questions the percentage of amiables choosing the authority answer exceeded the average for all groups.

When it came to buying the car the overwhelming percentage of people taking the survey were inclined to make a choice based on consumer reports, an authority. While 71% of the influencer/expressive and analytical/thinkers stated this as their reason, a whopping 81% of the amiable/facilitator and driver/pragmatics based their buying decision on the recommendation from an authority.

Consensus

The other principle that deserves mention for the amiable/facilitator group is the principle of consensus. My initial hypothesis was that consensus would be a big motivator for people who are also motivated by liking. My thought was the amiable would be the kind to go with the flow and want to get along with everyone. I still believe this is true although my data had it third on the list. I had one question that was truly a dud when it came to consensus.

Q – You’re married and your spouse asks you to do some light home repairs that might take several hours. You do them primarily because:

A – Your spouse reminded you that other spouses generally do these kinds of things around the house to help out.

For this question the average person chose this answer 2% of the time (6 out of 265 people). It could be that many people taking the survey were not married but I suspect the conversation in the house where someone “reminds” you what other spouses do would probably produce resentment. If I’d done a better job giving a reasonable choice on this one I suspect there would have been many more choosing the consensus answer.

Conclusion

So what do I conclude about people who fall into the amiable/facilitator group? Again, start by look for naturally occurring principles. When you have the opportunity to plan ahead for a persuasion situation involving the amiable/facilitator, look for ways utilize liking, authority and, based on my hypothesis above, consensus in your communication. As for the remaining principles – reciprocity, consistency and scarcity – the data showed these to be about equal when it comes to motivating the amiable. If one of these remaining principles fit well into the situation then go for it. Keeping these simple tips in mind will increase your odds for success.

Brian
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Persuading Personality Types: The Thinker/Analytic

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Today we begin to dig into the survey results for the different personality types starting with the thinker/analytical group. People that predominantly fall into this category are generally systematic, well organized and deliberate. They appreciate facts and information presented in a logical manner and get satisfaction from organizing and completing detailed tasks. Analytical people can be viewed as cautious, highly structured people who adopt a rule-oriented approach to life. Words that describe the thinker/analytic include: controlled, orderly, precise, disciplined, deliberate, cautious, diplomatic, systematic, logical and conventional.

In the survey, 48 people (18%) participating fell into this category making it the smallest of the four groups. When compared to the average response rates, analytical people tended to respond most to the principles of authority and consistency.

Consistency

This was no surprise to me. The analytic spends time thinking before acting or talking so they will probably be confident in what they’re doing or saying. Tap into prior words or deeds and you can move them to act. When it came to consistency, one question that really stood out was: You get invited to a wedding and it’s the same weekend you planned to start your family vacation. The couple mentioned the date when they set it but you forgot about it when you planned this vacation. You decide to go and the biggest reason is:

The answer that had to do with consistency – You told them, “Absolutely we’ll be there,” when they mentioned it shortly after setting the date – was far and away the top choice for all personality types but even more so for the analytic. Nearly every analytic, 94%, said that would be their reason for attending the wedding. With two other questions, at least half of the analytics responded by choosing the answer that was associated with consistency. Their response rate was much higher than the other three groups. The questions and answers were:

Q – Which would be most likely to get you to go out to dinner?

A – You’ve told your friends you want to spend more time with them so here’s your chance.

Q – Someone at work needs your help. You’re hesitant at first because you’re pressed for time before your vacation. You decide to work overtime and help mostly because:

A – The person mentioned how valuable your input was on a similar project a few months ago and you want to maintain that reputation.

Authority

Authority was a big motivator for each group except the influencer/expressive. So what stood out for the analytical person? As you might expect, someone who thinks a lot and deeply will carefully consider the claims of an expert. The survey results show they were more motivated by answers that had an authority bent than each of the other groups. A few questions (buying a car and buying a laptop) had high authority responses from each group. In fact, the drivers and amiables were a little more motivated by authority than were the analytics when it came to answering these questions. My take on that interesting fact is that analytics are probably already comfortable with their technical knowledge of these items.

However we look at it, when it comes to spending relatively significant amounts of money most of us like to look to those who are more knowledgeable than we are. The question that caught my eye for the analytics was:

Q – You’re trying to decide about whether or not to leave the company you’ve been at for more than 10 years for a new opportunity. Which plays into your decision most?

A – You read in several business magazines it’s one of the top companies to work for.

Nearly 70% of analytics said this would be their reason for working at the new company compared to just over half the people in the driver and amiable groups. Only 43% of influencers were motivated by this answer. By contrast, the scarcity answer – you know they only hire a handful of people each year into this prestigious training program – was far less motivating for the analytical people than the other groups. The average response rate for all people was 35% but only 21% of analytics chose this answer. Maybe analytical types aren’t so motivated by prestige and exclusivity?

When it came to the remaining four principles of influence – reciprocity, liking, consensus and scarcity – I was surprised to see reciprocity was the most impacting principle. In my original article on this subject my hypothesis was that consensus would be most influential because I thought analytics would like to “play the odds” and go with the crowd like we used to see on “Who wants to be a Millionaire?” However, what should not come as a surprise is the fact that reciprocity motivates everyone, just not to the same extent, because most of us are raised being taught to say “thanks” when someone does something for us. Some parents take it farther and teach kids to “return the favor.”

Conclusion

When I conduct a Principles of Persuasion workshop I emphasize that people should look for naturally occurring principles. You never want to force something and come across as a manipulative salesperson. Understanding what motivates different personality styles allows you to prepare in advance then naturally structure your requests in a way that will help you be most persuasive. When it comes to persuading the analytical/thinker type, look for opportunities to incorporate authority and consistency into your presentation. By all means, if reciprocity, liking, consensus and scarcity naturally present themselves then work them in and you’ll have the best chance to succeed.

Brian
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Persuading Personality Types: Survey Overview

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In May I wrote an article I called “Influence Approaches for Different Personality Styles” which turned out to be one of my most-read blog posts to date. In that article I shared four basic personality types:

  1. Driver/Pragmatic
  2. Expressive/Influencer
  3. Facilitator/Amiable
  4. Thinker/Analytical

After defining each I made some suggestions on what I thought would be the best influence approaches for each of the different personality types. To the best of my knowledge there was no research on the subject of persuasion and personality types so I decided to gather my own data using a blog post titled “Personality Types and Decision Influencers – A Short Survey.” I wanted to find out how people thought they might respond in different situations to different influence approaches.

I gathered data from 265 respondents, sliced it, diced it and looked at it every way I know how. Although I’m good with numbers and spreadsheets I decided to bring in the help of an expert with numbers. Alex Timm is a young intern at State Auto and to say Alex is insanely smart is not going far enough. He’s a triple major at Drake University – studying math, accounting and actuarial science – and going into his senior year he’s got a 4.0 GPA! If that’s not enough, he’s already passed three parts of his actuarial exam. I’m being really nice to Alex because I might end up working for him someday. You can find Alex on LinkedIn.

Here’s what Alex had to say about the survey, “I am very surprised to see such a strong statistical significance in the results. This especially applies to the effects of consensus on the expressive personality type. In fact, with this group you would see results this extreme less than 1% of the time if there had not been any sort of relationship!”

What I plan to do this week is share the results of the survey so you’ll be better equipped to persuade people based on their personality type. Today I just want to give you some background on what I did and why. Then each day this week you’ll see a new post that focuses on a different personality type.

Let me start with this disclaimer – I’m not a professional pollster, nor am I a behavioral psychologist. This was not an experiment; rather it was simply an attempt to find out how people thought they might respond in different situations to specific influence approaches.

I recognize when asking people which personality style they think they are there will be some bias. By that I mean, there will be people who classified themselves as one personality type when in reality, if they took a profile, might realize they are different than what they thought.

I can tell you from personal experience, when I took a personality survey during my first job I thought for sure I was a Driver/Pragmatic because I was very focused, very motivated and driven when it came to just about anything I participated in. However, when I took the survey I realized I wasn’t a Driver/Pragmatic, although I had some of those traits. I actually had more of an Analytical/Thinker bent and when I took a similar survey nearly 25 years later I still fell into the predominantly in the Analytical/Thinker category.

Having shared that potential flaw, I’m willing to bet most people were fairly accurate because the personality descriptions I shared were pretty detailed.

Because this was my first attempt at an extensive survey I definitely learned a lot. For example, as I analyzed the results I clearly saw some answers were duds because so few people chose them. Another thing I might do differently in the future would be to have questions specifically geared towards personal situations and different ones for the work environment. I had a few people tell me none of my answers would be compelling enough for them to take action in some instances. Unfortunately no survey will be able to address valid reasons for every participant.

My goal was to find out which answer would potentially have the most impact on a decision. But remember, this is just at amateur’s attempt to try to get a handle on something where there’s not been any research.

Let me tell you a bit about the survey itself. The survey was exactly the same for each personality type. By steering people to a particular survey it allowed me to gather data by personality type very easily.

Each survey had 10 questions with three possible answers.

  • Answer “A” was always an opportunity for someone to choose a relationship answer where they would have been taking action based on liking or reciprocity.
  • Answer “B” dealt with uncertainty so the answer either had to do with consensus or authority.
  • Answer “C” was related motivation which meant the choice was either based on consistency or scarcity.

The way I laid it out there were five questions where each of the six principles of influence was a potential answer. Let’s look at the first question so you can get some insight into what I was looking at and analyzing. After each personality type you’ll see the percentage that chose each answer.

“There’s a popular movie out, one you’ve been thinking about seeing. Which would be most likely to get you to go?”

  • A. A couple of good friends are going. (liking)
  • B. Critics are giving it two thumbs up. (authority)
  • C. It’s only in theaters till the end of the weekend. (scarcity)

While each group was clearly motivated by liking, the most popular answer with each group, the Expressive/Influencer (68.3%) and Facilitators/Amiable (74.1%) were statistically much more motivated by this answer than the Driver/Pragmatic (59.4%) and Thinker/Analytical (60.4%).

Another couple of notable things about this question were the Thinker/Analytical (27.1%) were more motivated by answer “B,” which had to do with authority, than were the other groups. The Driver/Pragmatic (22.9%) were far and away more motivated by scarcity than the other groups.

One question does not a survey make but aggregating the data to look for trends is what allowed Alex and I to spot things we think you’ll find helpful when it comes to persuading people after you have a handle on what type of personality they are. So hang on with me for the next four days as we dig into each of the personality types. If you have questions or feedback feel free to comment below and I’ll do my best to answer you.

Brian
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Personality Types and Decision Influencers – A Short Survey

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A few weeks ago I posted an article called Influence Approaches for Different Personality Styles. It was my most read blog post to date so I decided to follow it up with something different, a reader survey.

In that article I mentioned there were no scientific studies on the relationship between personality types and influence approaches. What I shared was my personal opinion on which principles of influence I thought would be best to use with the different personality styles. The lack of information got me thinking more about the subject so I decided to gather my own data. But, in order to do so I need your help.

I’d like you to read the general personality descriptions below, decide which best describes you, and then click on the associated link to take a 10 question multiple choice survey. While no description will fit you perfectly choose the one that you think best represents you.

A. You thrive on challenges and have a strong internal motivation to succeed. You’re practical and very focused on getting results. You get lots accomplished very quickly. You talk faster than most people and you’re direct and to the point. You’re often viewed as decisive. Words that describe you include: action-orientated, decisive, problem solver, direct, assertive, demanding, risk taker, forceful, competitive, independent, determined and results-orientated. This is the pragmatic/driver personality. If this describes you, click here to take the survey.

B. You are very outgoing and enthusiastic, with a high energy level. You’re an idea person, but usually struggle to see ideas through to completion. You enjoy helping others and enjoy socializing. You are usually slow to reach a decision. People often think of you of as a talker, dramatic and impulsive. Words that describe you include: verbal, motivating, enthusiastic, convincing, impulsive, influential, charming, confident, dramatic, optimistic and animated. This is the influencer/expressive personality type. If this describes you, click here to take the survey.

C. You are dependable, loyal and easygoing. You like things that are non-threatening and friendly. You don’t like dealing with impersonal details or cold hard facts. Usually you’re quick to reach a decision. People often describe you as a warm person and sensitive to the feelings of others. Words that describe you include: patient, loyal, sympathetic, team person, relaxed, mature, supportive, stable, considerate, empathetic, persevering, trusting and congenial. This describes the facilitator/amiable individual. If this describes you, click here to take the survey.

D. You are known for being systematic, well organized and deliberate. You appreciate facts and information presented logically. You enjoy organization and completion of detailed tasks. Others may see you as being cautious, very structured, someone who adopts a rule oriented approach to life. Words that describe you include: controlled, orderly, precise, disciplined, deliberate, cautious, diplomatic, systematic, logical and conventional. This describes the thinker/analytic. If this describes you, click here to take the survey.

Each survey question will put you in a different situation and ask which of the three responses would be the biggest factor in you saying “Yes” to a request. While each potential answer might factor into your decision to one degree or another please choose the one you think would most impact your decision.

If you want to take the survey please do so before June 30th. That’s when I’ll close the survey and begin to analyze the data. Look for a July post where I’ll share the results. Thanks for taking a few minutes to participate; I appreciate your help on this project.

Brian
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Influence Approaches for Different Personality Styles

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Last year I started holding bi-monthly lunch ‘n learn sessions for people who’d been through my Principles of Persuasion workshops. During our time together we discuss different aspects of influence and people participate in interactive exercises to help keep their influence skills sharp. The group is usually 30-40 managers and supervisors from different departments at State Auto. A couple of weeks ago I co-lead a session along with Mike Rau, a State Auto manager, where we talked about strategies for influencing different personality types.

Now I have to tell you up-front; to my knowledge there are no scientific studies on which principles of influence have the most impact on different personality styles. What I’m going to share is my personal opinion based on experience, my understanding of the principles of influence and more than 15 years in sales training.

The chart below, or something similar, might be familiar to those of you who’ve taken different personality tests over the years. It’s a simple way to categorize people based on their orientation. It looks at whether individuals are more task-oriented vs. people-oriented on the vertical axis. The horizontal axis determines whether people are more oriented towards taking fast action, telling people what to do and controlling others vs. people who are inclined to be slower to act, and ask more questions rather than directing people.

Ask – Slower
Control Self		 Task-Oriented
 Tell –
Faster
Control Others
Thinker
Analytical		 Pragmatic
Driver
Facilitator
Amiable		 Influencer
Expressive

People-Oriented
Across the population spectrum about 25% of people fall into each category. Below are the different personality styles, some traits associated with each and bullet points for the principles of influence that should be most impacting. The goal here is to give you a quick reference to fall back on when it’s obvious someone has a strong orientation in one of these four personality areas.

Pragmatic/Driver: Example – Jack Welch former CEO of GE. The pragmatic wants quick results, gets to the point, task-oriented, more controlling of others, acts first then thinks, assertive, risk taker. The best principles of influence when dealing with this personality type would be:

  • Authority – They may not care what the crowd says but prove your point with the opinion or experience of an expert or someone they respect or admire, and they’ll listen.
  • Scarcity – Drivers are successful because they win! Show them what they might lose if they don’t do what you’re asking and you’ll grab their attention.
  • Consistency – Their self-confidence makes them believe they’re right so they might seem like they stubbornly hold to an opinion. If you can tie your request to what they’ve said or done in the past your odds of success will go up.

Influencer/Expressive: Example – Oprah Winfrey. The influencer is focused on social groups and events, more in tune with people than tasks, imaginative, usually sway others, and likes innovation. The best way to engage these individuals would be using the following principles of influence:

  • Sarcity – Influencers don’t want to lose out on opportunities to move people to action. Talk about how they might lose an opportunity and you’ll have a good chance of hearing “Yes!”
  • Reciprocity – They understand how engaging with favors helps because they frequently use that tactic when they persuade. Do something for them and they’ll try to return the favor to build their network.
  • Liking – Expressive people are talkers and quite often like to talk about themselves. Pay a genuine compliment or ask about something they’re into and they appreciate you for taking interest.

Facilitator/Amiable: Example – Sandra Bullock. Facilitators like stable relationships, focus on feelings, less assertive, more people-focused, slow to change, and wants product support. The psychology of persuasion to utilize for this group would be:

  • Consensus – Because they’re so likable and want everyone to get along showing them what many others are already doing will help your case.
  • Liking – They naturally like others and want to be liked so use liking to come to know them and like them and you’ll increase your chance to influence.
  • Reciprocity – Giving small gifts, time, effort, etc. conveys thoughtfulness to the facilitator and will likely be returned in kind.

Thinker/Analytical: Example – Albert Einstein. Thinkers are task-oriented, slower to act, exert self-control, less assertive, data-oriented, prudent, systematic, logical, look to track records/trends. When dealing with this type of person you should look to use the following principles of influence:

  • Authority – Because they think long and hard about things they place a high premium on expert advice.
  • Consistency – Again, because they think before they act they take their words and actions seriously. Tap into what they’ve said or done in the past to make your point.
  • Consensus – The thinker will play the odds and find safety in numbers. Tell them what many others are doing when building your case.

As I wrote earlier, none of this is scientifically proven but I believe it make lots of sense and is fairly easy to remember. Too often people learn about personality styles but do nothing with that knowledge so I encourage you to give it a try next time you find yourself in a situation where it’s very clear the type of person you’re dealing with. Do so and I think you’ll find it a little easier to persuade them and ultimately hear “Yes!”
Brian
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Influence At Work

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By now some of you have noticed I’ve been posting twice a week. I’m going to make an attempt to have a short Thursday morning post each week to let you know about other resources that might interest you.

Some people might wonder why I’d promote someone else’s work, especially if it’s in the same field as mine. I’ve come to learn in the online world the principle of reciprocity is king. You help others, promote them, and they usually do the same for you. The online pie is plenty large enough that no one has to worry about getting their fair share.
This week I want to point you to Dr. Robert Cialdini and his organization, Influence At Work. Many of you reading this know he’s the reason I became so intrigued with influence and ultimately started this blog. If you want to read more about my association with him click here.

Dr. Cialdini and several of his associates have a blog called Inside Influence Report. I’m not a doctor, and I don’t play one on t.v., but these guys are doctors – in the field of social psychology – so they’re worth listening to when it comes to mastering influence and persuasion. They do the social science research, dissect other scientist’s research and break it all down so you can use the information to be more a more persuasive person. I highly recommend you check out Inside Influence Report for great insights on influence and persuasion.

Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”

What’s Your Worldview?

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I’ve been thinking about my “worldview” lately so I’ll pose this question to you, “What’s your worldview?” When I think of the term “worldview,” I think about how people try to make sense of what they observe others doing. I’m a pretty religious person and I have a worldview that first and foremost centers around my Christian faith. My faith colors perception of the here and now as well as the afterlife. But I also view things through another lens – influence.

Let me explain a bit further. I’m curious about why people do the things they do. I’m also interested in getting people to go along with my ideas and suggestions. Just like you, I want to hear people say “Yes” when I ask them to do something. That person could be my wife, my daughter, a coworker, vendor or the checkout person at the store.

I was working with someone today and we covered material on influence. I told this person about the science behind influence. I didn’t want her to think it was just grandma’s good advice (not that grandma’s advice was bad; she seems to have been right most of the time!) because it was grounded in real life scientific studies. Those studies don’t give me the ability to predict what you or any other person will do in particular situations because we are complex beings with a lifetime of experiences that shape us and our behaviors. But, I can say with certainty that I communicate with confidence and take certain actions because I know my influence approaches will make me more successful on the whole.

There’s more than 60 years of social science to back up my last statement. If you pick up Influence Science and Practice, Yes: 50 Ways Proven Ways to be Persuasive, Maximum Influence or any number of other books on influence and persuasion you’ll see the studies. For example, one restaurant owner saw no shows dropped from 30% to 10% because of two simple words. In another study nearly twice as many people completed a survey because of something they were asked immediately prior to the survey request. Or how about the person who saw a 610% increase in sales because he instructed his salespeople to include some truthful, relevant information!

I can’t tell you how many people will attend your next meeting and I certainly can’t tell you which specific people will say “Yes.” However, I can tell you things to do, and things to avoid, so you’ll know you have the best chance of maximizing attendance. I can’t tell you if you say or do one particular thing that your child will clean her room or your boss will give you a raise. But I can tell you things you can do that will increase the odds of both.

Because I’ve seen the studies and experienced the results personally, I’m a believer! My worldview helps me explain an awful lot of why people do what they do. Not everything can be explained by reciprocity, liking, consensus, authority, consistency and scarcity but I’m amazed by how much can!

Earlier I wrote that a worldview was in essence the lens through which I view much of the world. I remember when I was a teenager getting glasses. I didn’t realize my eyesight was poor until I went to the optometrist. I simply figured everyone saw things the way I did. When I got that first set of glasses – WOW! All of a sudden I could see blades of grass, leaves on trees and so much other detail. I didn’t realize what I was missing. That’s what the lens of influence has done for me. I’m not interested in doing research; I’m interested in understanding it so I can make sense of the world around me and the actions of others. I also enjoy taking the concepts and applying them to different situations to see if they can make me or my coworkers more successful. Now, because of this blog I get an opportunity to go beyond those boundaries. Thanks to Google Analytics, I can see people in nearly 40 countries follow this blog. That excites me!

So I guess this week’s post wasn’t so much about persuasion tips as it was insight into my mind, my worldview. I would like to take this time to say thanks to all of you who read, who’ve commented and who’ve emailed me with questions or to just say how much you’ve enjoyed reading. That means a lot to me and without a doubt makes my day. Keep looking for posts every Monday at 5:30 p.m.

Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”

You’d Do The Same For Me

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I find I enjoy writing this blog most when something hits me and I feel led to sit down and immediately start writing. That led to the blog posts on Michael Jackson, the cruise and the bathing suit story to name a few. Lately, nothing much was coming my way and I was getting a little worried…until this afternoon.

I’m actually writing this on August 24, the last day of summer vacation for my daughter Abigail. I decided to take the day off to spend time with her and Jane and one thing we did was go to the movies. We saw The Proposal with Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds. I don’t know what the critics had to say but we liked it a lot and laughed out loud a number of times. We give it six thumbs up, two for each of us so check it out sometime.

I won’t go into detail regarding the plot because that’s not the topic of this week’s post. Here’s what inspired me — at one point in the movie, Andrew Paxon (Ryan Reynolds) responds to Margaret Tate (Sandra Bullock) saying, “You’d do the same for me.” As soon as I heard that it was as if a light bulb went on and instantly I knew that I was supposed to write about that phrase. So here goes, right off the top!

Reciprocity is the psychological principle that describes the feeling we have where we want to “repay the favor,” so to speak. When someone does something for us we feel obligated to respond in kind. As someone looking to persuade people it’s important to understand this principle and to know how to respond after you’ve helped someone.

Quite often, when we do something for another person they reply by simply saying, “Thanks.” After all, it’s just good manners to be thankful. However, as the persuader, the one who did something that elicited the “thanks,” people drop the ball far more than they hang on to it. I say that because here’s how most people respond:

  1. “No problem.”
  2. “No big deal, I’d have done it for anyone.”
  3. Or worst of all, they say nothing.

People might respond as I’ve described above because they feel uncomfortable being praised but the bad thing is, in each case they’d discounted what they’ve done. When you do something for another it might not mean much to you but it obviously meant something to the other person. I remember a friend thanking me once for calling him each month to see if we could meet for lunch. Because I’d set up a recurring task in Outlook to remind me to call him I jokingly replied, “It’s not that I’m so nice, I’m just good with my computer.” When he heard that he said, “So what, I really appreciate it.” It wasn’t a big deal for me to create the task or to take a few moments to make the call but it meant a lot to him.

How many times do you fumble away opportunities as I’ve described? While there can be many responses better than the three I’ve listed above, I’ll give you just one; “George, I’m sure you’d do the same for me if the tables were turned.” Adding the name personalizes the response and gently puts the person on notice that you recognize a favor was done. That makes it much easier for you to ask for a favor down the road when you need help because you’ve reinforced what you did and, as I’ve already described, people feel compelled to return the favor.

I’m not advocating doing things to set people up. What I do advocate is genuinely offering help when people need it and you have the resources, skills or whatever else they need. You do so not thinking about what you want from them but you also don’t have to fumble away any potential opportunities either. So next time you hear, “Thanks,” for having done something, try saying some variation of “You’d do the same for me.” That might not make you as big a hit as The Proposal but I bet it will be far better than what you’re probably doing now.

Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”

Are You a Twitter Snob?

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I’m still a total novice, a geek you might say, when it comes to Twitter. I signed up at the advice of a friend and have mostly tried to use it as a tool to promote this blog. Facebook continues to be the place where I get more personal.

Because I just didn’t feel I was getting the hang of Twitter I bought Twitter Power by Joel Comm. For my wife and daughter, the fact that I would buy and read a book like that confirms them that I am indeed a geek, a twit, a tweet.

As I type this I’m half way through the book and have learned several good pointers. But, this post isn’t about the book; rather it’s about what I’m observing about Twitter from a social influence standpoint.

First I must confess, I’ve become a Twitter snob. Are you? You might discover you’re one too and didn’t know it. Why do I say I’m I a snob? Well, for the simple reason that I don’t “follow” everyone who follows me. Kind of rude isn’t it? In my defense there’s a psychological force at work on me. It’s called consensus, also known as social proof.

Consensus is the psychological principle whereby people look to others for clues on how to act. That gets heightened when we are not sure what to do. So I’m new to Twitter, fumbling around not knowing what to do and I look to see what others are doing. I’ve received notification that people or organizations are following me so I pop over to their Twitter home page to see what’s up. Here’s where consensus comes into play which leads me to a question for you. If you saw “Following 1,567” and “Followers 138” would you be like me and wonder, “Why are so few people following this person?”

It’s not that 138 is a small number; after all, we all have to start somewhere. The problem is that 138 is a small number compared to 1,567. We naturally compare and contrast to gauge things. It’s no different than looking inside a small restaurant, seeing a large crowd, people waiting and all the tables filled. I don’t know about you but when I see that I naturally assume it must be a good place. By contrast, when you pop your head into a large place and see more empty tables than full ones it’s easy to conclude something must be wrong with the food, service or something else. In reality there may be more people in the big restaurant but you don’t really notice that. In both cases we’re influenced by groups, or lack of, and that is heightened when comparing it to the number of tables.

At first I felt bad not following someone who followed me. My feeling bad goes to another principle of influence, reciprocity, which tells us we should respond in kind when someone does something for us. Someone smiles at us and we smile back or they do something for us and we feel obligated to return the favor. So naturally, when someone follows us on Twitter we feel somewhat obligated to follow them back.

So what’s a person to do if they find themselves in a follower deficit? Again, I’m no Twitter expert but here are a few things that come to mind:

  • Friends and Family – Use the AT&T strategy and try connecting with people you know so they’ll follow you and you can build up that number.
  • Sympathy – Start sending messages to some of those you follow to tell them you made a mistake and ask them to start following you.
  • Slow Down Cowboy – As people do start following you, don’t be so quick to follow back for a time so you can even out your “following” and “follow” numbers.
  • Last Resort – If all else fails, set up a new Twitter account and be more careful as you build up your followers. This might seem like a hassle but it will be worse to go months, maybe years and never see many followers.

Again, I don’t claim to be an authority on Twitter, that’s why I needed a book! However, I know enough about social influence to realize when people are shooting themselves in the foot. By the way, feel free to follow me on Twitter or become my friend on Facebook. Links to both are on the side of the Web site.Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”

Need Something Done?

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Suppose it’s Monday the 22nd and you need to get a report to your boss by next Monday, the 29th. Life’s never easy and in your case, in order to get the report done, you need some stats from a coworker in another department. This is big because your report, after being reviewed by the boss, will be incorporated into the CEO’s quarterly board report. How are you going to make your request to that coworker to ensure the best chance of getting what you need in time to fulfill your obligation?

After nearly 25 years in the working world my observation is that most people will shoot an email off to the coworker that’s basic and to the point, “Harold, I need the quarterly sales numbers with profit by Friday.” That’s completely legitimate but doomed to fail quite often. So how do we start recreating the message to ensure success?

First of all, don’t tell, ask. The principle of consistency tells us people are far more likely to do something that’s in line with something they’ve previously said or done, so a key to success is to get them to commit. It would be easy enough to get the coworker to commit by asking him for help rather than telling him. So our message changes to, “Harold, can you get me the quarterly sales numbers with profit by Friday?” Your request has gone from a statement to a question. If
Harold says “Yes” your odds of success just went up significantly. After all, people feel good about themselves when their words and deeds match so Harold will probably try a little harder to make sure he lives up to what he committed to.

But wait, Harold’s a busy guy and despite being a nice guy, he feels he’s too busy to help out. A knee jerk response might be, “Alice, I’d love to help but I’m just too busy right now” — and your heart sinks. Not so fast, there might be a way around this potential problem! A better request would have been, “Harold, can you get me the quarterly sales numbers with profit by Wednesday?”

Why is asking with a small buffer a better tactic? The rule of reciprocity tells us people feel obligated to give to us when we give first. If Harold says no to Wednesday then you’d want to come back immediately with something like this, “I understand completely Harold, it’s never been busier around here. Could you possibly get the numbers by Friday?” Studies show when you make a second request, offering a concession immediately after someone says no, they’re very likely to concede too which means you might just hear “yes” to that second request.

We’re not done just yet because there’s one more strategy you could employ, the word “because.” You’ll recall from my post several weeks ago, Because I said so!, when you use the word “because” it’s almost like an automatic trigger and people tend to comply with requests when we give them a reason. So here’s how the master persuader approaches this request:

“Harold, can you get me the quarterly sales numbers with profit by
Wednesday because I need them for the board report?”

This approach uses “because,” which gives the best chance of hearing “Yes!” It’s also in a question format which engages consistency, upping the odds that Harold will follow through. And, should Harold say no, you have an opportunity to engage reciprocity by making a concession and falling back to Friday.

Could Harold still say no to Friday? Sure. But think about the person who regularly makes requests as I’ve just laid out vs. John Doe who always tells people what he needs with no forethought to timing or reason. Who do you think will be successful more often? Certainly the savvy communicator. That translates into more work accomplished on time and probably under budget. That’s most likely the person who’s in line for a raise or promotion because work is about results. Now you can have results because you know the keys to making successful requests.

Brian
Helping you Learn to Hear “Yes!”