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What If You Hate Someone You Work With?

Several years ago I was invited to speak to a couple dozen
psychology students at The Ohio State University. They were working on their
MBAs so as you might imagine it was a group of very bright young people. No doubt
they had far more insight into psychology than I possessed but I did have
something they didn’t, something they could all learn from – a lot of real-world
business experience.
As I shared the psychology of persuasion and its
application to the business world, we got off on a tangent when we came to the principle of liking. This psychological concept
simply alerts us to the reality that it’s easier for us to say yes to those we
know and like. Think about it for a moment – there are many things you’d willingly
do if asked by a friend that you’d never do for a stranger. So, make more
friends and more people will be willing to help you when you need it.
At one point someone asked, “What if you hate someone you
work with?” I replied, “Hate is a very strong word and I can honestly say I
don’t hate anyone I work with.” Then he rephrased his question, “Okay, what if
you really dislike them?” I
responded, “I don’t really dislike anyone I work with either.” I went on to
explain why that was the case and I’d like to share my thoughts with you in
this post because it might just make your life a lot happier and less
stressful.
Learning about the liking principle coupled with more than
25 years in business has taught me this – how much I like someone depends far
more on me than it does on the other person. That’s because I can make simple
choices that will not only get them to like me
a little more, but will get me to like them
more at the same time!
A couple of ways to trigger liking are to offer up genuine
compliments and look for things we have in common. Let’s start with
compliments. I firmly believe there’s good in every person. If we look for the
good we’ll find it, and it will get easier and easier to keep finding more good
things. Unfortunately all too often we look for the negative and that’s also
easy to find. It’s a choice so which will you look for?
Abraham Lincoln said, “Everybody likes a compliment.” When
we do find something good and tell the
other person,
they feel good and begin to associate those good feelings
with us. In other words, they start to like us a bit more. But here’s the
interesting thing – that same approach is working on us too! When you look for
something worthy of a compliment in another person and tell them, you begin to
convince yourself that they’re a good person. The very same factor that causes
them to like you makes you like them at the same time.
Studies show when it comes to things you have in common
with someone else, engage on those things and they’ll come to like you more.
That happens because we give a lot of benefit of the doubt to people who root
for the same team, were born in the same town, attended the same college, have
the same pets, etc. And just as sharing compliments works in reverse, so does
this approach. In other words, when you find someone who roots for your team,
went to your college, has the same pet, etc., you come to like them more!
I shared this with the psychology group and went on to
tell them what I’d come to realize during my career was how much I like the
people I work with depends more on me than it does them. That’s because I can
continually make choices to offer sincere compliments and look for things we
have in common. As I do this, I come to like them more. It doesn’t turn
everyone in a best friend and it doesn’t mean I’ll come in early for coffee or
go have beers after work with them all, but I can enjoy them while I’m with
them.
I’d venture to guess if you think about people who don’t
enjoy life and the people who are a part of their life you’ll probably think of
people who are not very outgoing, who don’t look for the best in others and are
probably fairly negative.
Here’s my two-fold challenge for you this week:
1. Make a concerted effort to look for things you have in
common with other people AND then talk about those things with them.
2. Choose to look for things you can genuinely compliment in
other people AND then offer up a sincere compliment.
I guarantee if you make this “the way you do life” you’ll
have an abundance of friends, people who like you and people that you like in
return. Do this and you’ll be able to say as I did years ago, “I can honestly
say I don’t hate, or really dislike, anyone I work with.”
Brian Ahearn, CMCT®
Chief Influence Officer
influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

 

 
 
 
Cialdini “Influence”
Series!
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influence from the experts? Check out the Cialdini “Influence” Series featuring Cialdini
Method Certified Trainers from around the world.

Does Your Audience Know You’re an Authority?

Earlier this year I spoke at The Ohio State University to a few dozen business coaches where I shared some insight on
Robert Cialdini’s principles of influence and their application to the coaching process.
In this short video I briefly explore the principle of authority, which tells us people look to those with superior knowledge and expertise when they’re not 100% certain about what they should do. When you want to persuade people having them know something about your expertise up front can sometimes make all the difference.

If you’re viewing this post by email click here for the video.

Are you looking for a keynote speaker, training, or consulting on how to apply scientifically proven principles of
influence to your sales, marketing, management or leadership? If so, reach out to me (BFA654@gmail.com or 614.313.1663) and we’ll talk about your specific needs.

Brian, CMCT 
influencepeople 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

How to Get Everything You Want in Life

Zig Ziglar,
a well known author, sales trainer and motivational speaker regularly told
audiences, “You can get everything you want in life IF you’ll just help enough
other people get what they want.” Wow! Essentially he’s saying just help enough
other people fulfill their dreams and your dreams can come true too. 

Zig might
not have been a social scientist but he clearly understood the power of
reciprocity. This principle of influence tells us people feel obligated to help
those who first help them. So back to Zig; help lots of people and lots of
people will want to help you.

Watch this
two minute video from my presentation at The Ohio State University and you’ll
gain more insight into why the principle of reciprocity is so powerful.  

Are you looking for a keynote speaker, training, or consulting on
how to apply scientifically proven principles of influence to your sales,
marketing, management or leadership?  If so, reach out to me
(BFA654@gmail.com or 614.313.1663) and we’ll talk about your specific
needs. 
Brian, CMCT 
influencepeople 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

What Happens To Your Brain When You Are Being Influenced?

The science of influence is just that – science. When I talk about influence I’m not sharing someone’s good advice because all too often that advice might not have any application for you. For example, Donald Trump can tell you things he does to close the deal and those techniques might work for one reason, because he’s Donald Trump. Without the Trump name his good advice might be worthless for you.

When I share influence and persuasion with people, what I share is based on more than five decades of scientific studies done by social psychologists and behavior economists. Based on their studies and understanding of human psychology, if you apply their findings ethically and correctly you will see an increase in people saying “Yes” to your requests.
To highlight the science, when I spoke at The Ohio State University earlier this year I shared the results from a brain scan done on two dozen college students who were presented with information from an authority. I used this example because it illustrates the reality that physiological things happen to people. Click on the video below to watch a three minute clip and learn more about the impact persuasion has on people’s brains.

If you’ve viewing this by email click here for the video.
Are you looking for a keynote speaker, training, or consulting on how to apply scientifically proven principles of influence to your sales, marketing, management or leadership?  If so, reach out to me (BFA654@gmail.com or 614.313.1663) and we’ll talk about your specific needs. 
Brian, CMCT 
influencepeople 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Ethical Influence for Business Coaches

A few months ago I had the privilege of addressing several dozen business coaches from the Central Ohio Chapter of the International Coach Federation at The Ohio State University. My hour-long presentation focused on how they could use certain principles of influence to help their clients obtain better business results.

I opened the presentation sharing about PEOPLE – those Powerful Everyday Opportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical. I also spent time on three of Dr. Cialdini’s six principles of influence  –  reciprocity, authority and consistency  –  defining each principle then citing scientific research to help attendees understand just how powerful the principles can be in the communication process. I also shared real world application for each principle to help those in attendance envision how they might use each in their daily attempts to ethically persuade others.
Below is the video clip where I introduced my PEOPLE concept – those Powerful Everyday Opportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical.  

If you’re viewing this by email click here to watch the video on YouTube.



In the coming months I’ll share other clips from the presentation to help you better understand how the power of persuasion can help you hear “Yes” more often.


Is your organization looking for a keynote speaker or training on ethical influence and persuasion? If so, reach out to me by email at BFA654@gmail.com. 

Brian, CMCT 
influencepeople 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.