Tag Archive for: Cialdini

SuperFreakonomics and Monkey Business

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Have you read SuperFreakononics yet, the follow up to Freakonomics? If not you’ll want to pick it up because it’s an interesting way to apply economic theory to different aspects of life. If you enjoyed Freakonomics, you’ll like SuperFreakonomics too.

I’m not here to plug the book, rather, I want to share something I found fascinating that relates to the Principles of Influence I share each week in this blog. What I’ll share has to do with scarcity, the principle of influence that tells us people are motivated to action when they believe something is rare or becoming less available.

Another aspect of scarcity is this – people tend to be more motivated to action when they stand to lose something as opposed to when they stand to gain the very same thing. For example, if I’m selling a product and tell potential customers, “If you don’t buy our product, you’ll lose $750 dollars a year,” that will persuade more people to buy the product than if I said, “If you buy our product you’ll save $750 a year.” Think about the mental picture for a moment. The first appeal, losing, makes most people think about reaching into their pocket and handing over their hard earned money. I don’t know about you but that’s something I don’t particularly like doing so I’ll do what I can to avoid it.

The last chapter of SuperFreakonomics is called, “Monkeys Are People Too.” I almost skipped it and I’m sure glad I didn’t! It deals with whether or not monkeys can be taught how to use money and place value on things as humans do. In the case of monkeys, it was valuing treats.

It turns out they can learn the money/value concept so the person teaching the monkeys tried different things to see how far reaching their grasp was. One way they tried this was gambling. The monkeys could literally bet, possibly winning more treats, or possibly losing treats.

What really fascinated me was this – the monkeys responded more to the potential gambling loss than the potential gain which led the authors to write, “A rational monkey wouldn’t have cared, but these irrational monkeys suffered from what psychologists call ‘loss aversion.’ They behaved as if the pain from losing a grape was greater than the pleasure of gaining one.”

Just like people, monkeys seem to be hard-wired to avoid loss more than they are attracted to pleasure. And here’s another way they are very much like humans in this regard; the authors went on to write, “people make the same kind of irrational decisions at a nearly identical rate.” There are a few other fascinating insights with the monkeys – how they used the money and how it changed their behavior. They quite literally engaged in “monkey business” but I’ll leave it to you to read that on your own.

So what does this mean to you? First, as I’ve shared before, the principles of influence do not guarantee everyone will do what you want. But, ethically employed, utilizing the principles can make you much more successful. I write that with confidence because scientific studies show this to be the case.

With a principle such as scarcity, things are going on inside our brains that quite often we’re not aware of. Whether on a conscious or subconscious level, we want to avoid pain and obtain pleasure. The key thing to remember is this – most people want to avoid pain more than they seek to obtain pleasure.

And now we come to the take-away; next time you want to motivate someone to take action, and you can phrase your request in such a way that has an upside or a downside, you’ll be more likely to hear “Yes” by telling them about the downside as opposed to the upside. (Drawing by Michael Franzese, Franzeseinklings)

I’ll end by saying, this approach has nothing to do with being a positive or negative person, this is about being successful or unsuccessful with regard to your attempt to influence people. Agree? Disagree? Leave a comment below to let me know what you think.

Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”

Influence At Work

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By now some of you have noticed I’ve been posting twice a week. I’m going to make an attempt to have a short Thursday morning post each week to let you know about other resources that might interest you.

Some people might wonder why I’d promote someone else’s work, especially if it’s in the same field as mine. I’ve come to learn in the online world the principle of reciprocity is king. You help others, promote them, and they usually do the same for you. The online pie is plenty large enough that no one has to worry about getting their fair share.
This week I want to point you to Dr. Robert Cialdini and his organization, Influence At Work. Many of you reading this know he’s the reason I became so intrigued with influence and ultimately started this blog. If you want to read more about my association with him click here.

Dr. Cialdini and several of his associates have a blog called Inside Influence Report. I’m not a doctor, and I don’t play one on t.v., but these guys are doctors – in the field of social psychology – so they’re worth listening to when it comes to mastering influence and persuasion. They do the social science research, dissect other scientist’s research and break it all down so you can use the information to be more a more persuasive person. I highly recommend you check out Inside Influence Report for great insights on influence and persuasion.

Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”

A Special Day Indeed

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One thing I love about teaching ethical influence and persuasion is the wide range of application of the principles of influence. Understanding what triggers a “Yes!” response, then tailoring your communication can make life much easier and lead to more success. This applies to business as well as your personal life.

This week’s post is primarily for parents. I want to share an idea to help you raise your kids, or possibly grand kids. I truly believe if your child knows you love them unconditionally, that you have their best interests at heart, that they are special in your eyes, it will be easier to persuade them to do what you want them to do — what they need to do. That would include the monotonous things like eating healthy, studying hard, being kind and giving, and having good manners, among other things.

How do you convey this sense of being special? There are lots of thing you can do but I’m going to share one thing you may not have thought of — a “Special Day.” I don’t remember how I came up with this idea but right around the time our daughter Abigail was born I told my wife Jane that I’d like to have a “Special Day” for Abigail each year. After all, moms get Mother’s Day and dads get Father’s Day but kids don’t have their special day of recognition.

Here’s what we decided to do. Each year we pick a random day and I take the day off from work. We buy Abigail presents and surprise her early in the morning when we burst into her room and say, “It’s Special Day!” We give her breakfast in bed then let her open the gifts. The rest of the day revolves around her and whatever she enjoys. When she was very young it was simple things like McDonald’s for lunch and a Disney movie. Some years it’s been going to the Ohio State Fair, horseback riding, dinner at her favorite restaurant or more recently, because she’s a teenager, it’s time at the mall with lunch at one of her favorite spots.
I hope you see it doesn’t have to be lavish. The gifts aren’t many or expensive and the restaurants aren’t fancy, but that doesn’t matter because what she knows is the day is all about her. We’ve told her many times, it’s not because it’s her birthday, or Christmas or some other holiday, it’s just because we love her.

While it usually takes place in the summer because there are more things to do and Abigail is off school, the fact that it’s randomly chosen makes it a surprise and adds to the element of fun and excitement. She once remarked she enjoys her Special Day as much as her birthday and Christmas. Now that’s a good return for the effort!

One other benefit I see for your child by having a Special Day is self-esteem. Kids need to have a sense of their own identity apart from their peers. This is especially important as they become teenagers and feel pressure to conform. Something unique like a Special Day can be one way to help them see how they’re different and it can really make them feel special — loved. I don’t think Abigail has any friends who have something similar and I know it makes her feel special.

I’m taking a quick break from Carnegie and writing this in a column on influence for a couple of reasons:

  • We just did her Special Day last week and it’s fresh on my mind (see photos at the top). For me the best part was simply the hug and thank you at the end of the night.
  • I’ve always gotten very positive feedback from people when I’ve shared this idea so here’s a chance to share it with more people. I encourage you to think about doing something similar for your kids.
So maybe you’re reading this and you don’t have kids and you’re wondering if there’s any application for you? Yes! Just pick someone you love and try it. If you’re a business owner or boss, try it with your employees. I’ll leave it to you to come up with the creative ways to celebrate but if you want to let someone know how much they mean to you, that they are special, this is a great way to do it. And the side benefits; they’ll be much more apt to like you, want to help you and they won’t want to disappoint you. All those as will make it much easier to persuade them when the need arises.

If you have some creative thoughts on how to make people feel special leave a comment below.
Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”
NEW — I’ve added a new way for you to learn about influence. I’m now podcasting influence tips on Cinch. — NEW
If you’re interested in listening to daily tips designed to help you be more influential and persuasive then click on the Cinch link.

Franzese or Frazetta: Do Names Really Matter?

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I had a post all ready to go for this week but then I got really inspired by a friend, Michael Franzese. If that name sounds familiar it’s because you might have seen his drawing and recall that I mentioned him in my post three weeks ago titled, “Is Persuasion Manipulation?” He drew the picture of one man manipulating, wrestling the other to the ground.

Michael and I went to high school together but I feel like I know him much better now because of Facebook and his blog. He starting writing a blog called Franzeseinklings with the goal of 100 barbarian drawings and posts in 100 days. During my bodybuilding days in the ‘80s I was into Conan the Barbarian because of Arnold Schwarzenegger but other than that didn’t have much interest in those guys. But, after seeing Michael’s work and reading his posts I became a fan. You have to check him out because the artwork is very cool and I get a kick out of reading his posts each day. As you might guess, all of this week’s artwork is Michael’s doing.

So what’s Franzeseinklings have to do with influence? In his September 8 post, Michael mentioned his favorite illustrator, “the great Frank Frazetta.” He wrote about getting to meet the man he considered a hero. Take another look at that name — Frazetta. Looks a lot like Franzese doesn’t it? Could that be some of the attraction for Franzese to Frazetta’s artwork?

I shot an email over to Michael with an article from the Inside Influence Report that detailed the phenomenon of names then called him to talk about this post. He said the more he thought about it and how his mind worked the more he thought it was probably true. He said another of his favorite artists is Michelangelo. Michael likes Michelangelo…hmm, see a trend here?

I can’t take credit for anything other than being alert when it comes to this name thing. If you pick up a copy of Yes! 50 Scientifically Prove Ways to Be Persuasive, you can read about all this name stuff in chapters 29 and 30. Here’s the basic gist — we tend to like people with names that look or sound similar to our own. The psychological term for that is “implicit egotism.” After all, how could someone with your name be some kind of jerk?
Can you think of a time when you met someone with your same name where you instantly liked them? I sure can! We might joke about it being due to the name but it’s no joke because there are statistics to back up that claim.
Here’s another thing worth mentioning, not only do we like them; it makes us more compliant when they ask us to do things. So your name is Carlos and the salesman is Karl, what difference does that really make? Statistically Carlos will probably buy more from Karl than he would from Pete or Bill or someone else with a name that’s not similar because he feels a connection when implicit egotism is at work.
This is more than just names and people; it extends to things like where you live, the company you work for and the career you choose. Statistically Dennis is more likely to become a dentist than Jerry or Walter. If you doubt that pick up Yes! 50 Scientifically Prove Ways to Be Persuasive, turn to page 128 and read about the study for yourself. I’m not saying everyone named Dennis is destined to be a dentist anymore than Lawrence will become a lawyer or Mary will live in Marysville but they have a higher likelihood of that happening than people with names wholly unrelated to those professions or places.
Believe me, when Jane and I were looking for new countertops, it didn’t escape my notice that the salesman’s name was Dan Mason. I kid you not; Dan Mason worked as a salesman for a company that sold marble countertops. Oh gee, what a coincidence!
One more story to illustrate the point; Scott, the guy who gives my wife golf lessons (great instructor, you should see her game!) worked at a driving range alongside his ex-wife Pia. Not many people could work with their former spouse but Scott and Pia got along great. In fact, they’d both tell you they get along better as friends than they did as spouses. As I got to know Scott I noticed he drove a Kia. Do you see where I’m going with this? I told him about the name study and said, “I see you drive a Kia and your ex-wife’s name is Pia. I think there’s still something there.” He insisted there wasn’t and a week later the Kia was gone and Scott was driving a Hyundai. Point made!
Most people will insist there’s nothing to this but that’s because this is all going on in the subconscious. The statistics don’t lie and neither did your grade school teacher so I’ll end with a song many of you probably sang as youngsters. It’s about two friends with the same name.
John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt,

His name is my name too.
Whenever we go out,

The people always shout,
There goes John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt.
Dah dah dah dah, dah dah dah
One last thing, give Franzeseinklings a look and follow.
Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”

Is Persuasion Manipulation?

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Is persuasion manipulation? I recently read The Hidden Persuaders by Vance Packard, a book written in the mid-1950s to alert people to how advertisers were getting the public to buy products using their understanding of psychology. It paints the social psychologists who worked with big companies in a negative light and described “the advertising man” as a “journeyman psychologist.” The cover of the book and the opening paragraph both state, “Many of us are being influenced and manipulated in the patterns of our everyday lives.”

I enjoyed the read and have to agree in part because there are people who take advantage of their understanding of psychology in order to get what they want. Reading it made me think it was time to address the topic of manipulation. If we’re to talk about manipulation we need to know what manipulation is. I looked up “manipulate” in several dictionaries and while they all vary somewhat their definitions, the word boils down to a couple of meanings, one good and one bad:

1. to handle or use skillfully (i.e., a carpenter manipulates wood – good)
2. to control something or someone cleverly or deviously (the car salesman manipulated me – bad)

I think it’s safe to say the words manipulate, manipulated and manipulation all carry negative connotations today. After all, no one wants to be manipulated and no one wants to be known as a manipulator.

When it comes to understanding manipulation we need to understand motive. I love a quote from The Art of Woo by G. Richard Shell and Mario Moussa. They wrote, “An earnest and sincere lover buys flowers and candy for the object of his affections. So does the cad who succeeds to take advantage of another’s heart. But when the cad succeeds, we don’t blame the flowers and candy. We rightly question his character.”

Understanding influence and persuasion is completely neutral like the flowers and candy noted above. Why a man uses the flowers and candy as he does, or why a person uses persuasion and influence is the real question. In each case you have to wonder if the person is only looking out for #1 — what’s in their best interests.

The term “win-win” is popular today. It’s encouraged in business and negotiations if you want to maintain a relationship with another person or organization. That needs to be kept i
n the forefront when it comes to using persuasion. You have to ask yourself, “Is what I’m asking this person, or company, to do in the best interests of all parties?” If it is and you’re being truthful in your approach then you can probably feel okay about proceeding.

Something else to consider. As you learn more and more about influence and persuasion, wouldn’t it be foolish to not use that understanding when making requests of others? If you knew there was a better way to hear “Yes” then why would you not use that method? If you felt bad that someone agreed then perhaps you have to step back and ask yourself whether or not your request — influence and persuasion aside — was legitimate to begin with.

Here’s an interesting side bar: it was this very topic that got me in touch with Dr. Cialdini. When I read an ad for one of his videos it read, “Call it influence, persuasion…even manipulation.” Knowing his stance on ethics I emailed the organization saying I don’t think he’d agree or appreciate that description of his work. His company, Influence at Work, found out about my email and called me. That’s what led to him becoming a guest speaker at State Auto in the summer of 2004, my attendance at his two-day Principles of Persuasion workshop and eventually my certification as a CMCT (Cialdini Method Certified Trainer).

On a more personal note – I used flowers, candy and a Rolls Royce on my wife’s 23rd birthday to “influence” her decision when I asked her to marry me. I think she’d agree it’s been a win-win relationship.

Before I let you go I want to point out the very cool drawing from a friend, Mike Franzese. Mike is in the advertising business and has a blog, Franzeseinklings, that I follow. I liked his drawings so much that I asked him for a picture that conveyed manipulation. I think you’ll agree, he did a terrific job! Keep an eye out for more from him and give his blog a follow.

Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes! “

The Value of a Personal Mission Statement

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Last week I concluded with a teaser about my personal mission statement so this week I’m going to address the topic and share with you my personal mission statement, or life plan, as some call it.

Back in the early ’90s, I read Steven Covey’s book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and it really resonated with me. I often tell people, after The Bible the most impacting book I’ve ever read is The 7 Habits. I’m not saying it’s the best book – I’ve read others I enjoyed more – only that it was the most impacting. The impact came because I took the step to write a personal mission statement. Now, each day a part of my mission statement pops up in a task in my daily planner, Microsoft Outlook. Having read it now for 15 plus years, I’ve reinforced who I am, who I’m trying to become and what’s most important in my life.

If you’ve not written your own mission statement I cannot encourage you enough to do so. I’ll go so far as to say it could be one of the most important things you ever do because it’s something that will serve as a guide throughout your life. The mission statement idea is presented in Covey’s book in a chapter entitled, “Begin with the End in Mind.” I’ll leave it to you to read the book, or at least that chapter, so you can write your own plan.

I think a mission statement can help you be more influential in several ways:

  • Writing something down like this will help you stay accountable to what you say is most important and that accountability is ramped up if you share your mission statement with others. When you’re consistent, people come to rely on you which adds to your credibility, a component of authority.
  • Most people I interview never write down their goals let alone have a plan for their life. If you’re ever interviewing for a job and you hand the interviewer a personal mission statement you’ll certainly impress them. I think sharing mine helped me land the job I have today.
  • If you happen to share it with someone who has similar goals or world view then you’re likely to befriend that person because you’ve touched on the principle of liking.

Below is my life plan. It’s not for everyone so yours could look totally different and that’s okay because we’re all different.

My Chief Aim in Life: When I leave this earth and stand in the presence of the Lord, I hope to hear, “Well done good and faithful servant: you were faithful with a few things, I will put you in charge of many things, enter into the joy of your master” (Matt 25:21).

In order to make this a reality I will focus on four main areas of my life. Each area, while distinctly different, overlaps with the other areas. I want to focus on my spiritual life, my family, myself as an individual and my career.

Spiritual: I want to have a close intimate relationship with God through His Son Jesus Christ and I want this relationship to be the priority in my life. I want to live a life that’s consistent with Biblical principles. I will seek to do this by striving for Christ-like qualities, knowing that while I cannot completely achieve them because I am human, I will be rewarded. I want to be a good listener. Finally, I want to reach out to others sharing Biblical love and truth.

Family: I want to make my family my priority second only to my relationship with God. I want to love and honor my wife Jane, building her up so she can become the spiritual being God intends for her to be. I want to meet her needs to the best of my ability and help her live a happy and fulfilled life. I want to strive to give unconditional love to Jane and Abigail, as well as other members of my extended family. I want to create a home environment where each person in my family can come to me in times of need and develop to their fullest potential. I want to earn my family’s respect and be the kind of husband and father they can be proud of.

Personal: I want to like who God created me to be; respect myself; maintain a balance between my mental and physical health; live my life with integrity, not compromising myself but standing firm on my beliefs as outlined in my personal mission statement; be open to change and accept when I’m wrong; continue to develop in the areas of loving, learning and relationships; smile, laugh and show my emotions more; I do not want to be controlled by anyone or anything other than God and need to remember I always have free will and therefore a choice in all matters; I want strive first to understand others, then seek to be understood; to be a leader and role model for others.

Career: I want Christ to be the centerpiece for all that I do at work; I want to give my best effort to whatever task is laid before me; be remembered for making my workplace better for having been there in both a productive and personal sense; obtain satisfaction from my chosen career; be fair and honest while remaining firm and decisive; remember the people involved; earn the trust, respect and confidence of those I work with; continue to develop personally and seek new challenges. Last, I need to remember that I work to live — I don’t live to work. Therefore, I will never sacrifice my spiritual, personal or my family’s well being at the expense of my career.

So there you have it. You now know more about me than you may have cared to know. I encourage you to take a similar step in your own life. Trust me, you will be glad you did.

Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”

Personal Branding

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Last week I wrote about association and how we all have opportunities to create the associations we want people to hold when they think of us. We can do more than just respond positively to “thanks” to create a strong association. What I’ll share this week I owe in great measure to a coworker and good friend, James Seay, MBA.

James has been with State Auto for many years. He took a break to serve our great country in Iraq and upon his return – because of his passion for branding – he started putting on personal branding workshops at State Auto. The sessions are high energy, fun and interactive. His goal is to get people to realize other people (customers, coworkers, the boss) have opinions about each of us and we should be doing what we can to shape those opinions as much as possible. It’s not unlike companies wanting to direct customer’s thoughts when it come to their products or services. As I shared last week, sometimes hard work and a doing a great aren’t enough because that’s what’s expected in today’s economy. To see what James has to say about personal branding click here. You can also see him on YouTube.

I went through James’ workshop and walked away with this as my personal brand, “When it needs to be Done Well!” That tag line now appears on every email I send at work. If you were to get an email from me here’s what my signature would look like:

When it needs to be Done Well!

Brian Ahearn, CPCU, CTM, CMCT
Senior Sales Specialist
State Auto Insurance Companies www.stateauto.com
PO Box 182822, Columbus, OH 43218-2822
Phone: 614.917.5472 Fax: 614.719.0201

State Auto is one of only 13 companies to earn an A+ Rating by AM Best every year since 1954!

I want people to know they can count on me to do things well so every new email, every reply and every forwarded email people see, “When it needs to be Done Well!” Do you think they’ve started remembering that? I can tell you they absolutely have because some people will jokingly email, “I need something done well…” I know this; I have them thinking the way I want.

I’ve even incorporated my personal brand into my voicemail. If you called and I was unavailable you’d hear this, “Do you need something done well? Then you’ve come to the right place! Hi, this is Brian Ahearn and you’ve reached my voicemail.” One person, my college roommate from my sophomore year at Miami University, left me a very funny message after hearing my voicemail. When I called him back he said, “I have to be totally serious; if I didn’t know you and I heard that message, I’d say to myself, ‘Now that’s a guy I want to do business with!'” That exactly what I want people to think and act on.

Here’s one more proof positive story. A little over a week ago I met one of our Regional Vice Presidents for the first time. We’d had interaction through email and by phone but had not personally met. When we finally shook hands his first comments in a room full of others had to do with my personal brand. He complimented me on the voicemail, emails and most of all, my work.

Here’s a quick side benefit. When you “advertise” yourself you realize you now have a reputation to uphold and consistency kicks in. You find yourself working hard to maintain that reputation because you don’t want to let yourself or others down. If you live up to your brand then you also add to your authority because people hold you in higher regard. As the saying goes, “It’s all good!”

If you wonder why I choose “Done Well” instead of “Well Done” it’s because I didn’t want people to think I was some lousy chef. Seriously, after much soul searching, considering my likes, dislikes, passions, talents, etc., I came up with that personal brand because it tied into my personal mission statement. Next week I’ll share my thoughts about writing a personal mission statement because a personal mission statement can also help you be more influential.

Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”

Associations and Michael Jackson

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The passing of Michael Jackson has everyone talking. The morning after he passed away I was running with a friend and I wondered to myself, “How long will it take before Michael Jackson is mentioned.” It was less than half a mile, just three or four minutes into the run, before he became the topic of conversation.

I have to admit, I’m not nearly as bothered by his death as many people. I think it’s because I had a hard time dealing with who he’d become. The part of me that’s interested in the psychology of sales and communication was stuck on trying to figure out what was going on inside his head more than I cared about his music.

But, as more time passed and I saw the tributes, I was amazed at just how many songs I remembered. While I never bought his albums his music was so prevalent that it could not be ignored. What I quickly came to realize is, fan or not, his music helped define a part of my life. I was in high school in the early 80s and graduated from college in 1986. I met my wife right after school and we got married in 1988.

Those are all pretty significant events in a person’s life and music, as much as anything, triggers feelings and memories about those times. Michael Jackson’s music carries many of those associations and memories for me. And that leads me to the subject of this week’s post – associations.

Good or bad, people form thoughts about you when they meet you. Over time those thoughts can change but most people leave that to chance. Oh sure, you may work hard and hope someone notices but that’s like making a good product or offering a great service and hoping someone notices enough to buy. It ain’t gonna happen!

That’s why I always encourage people to do one simple thing after they’ve done something which elicited a “Thank you” response. First of all, never, ever, ever do any of the following:

Say nothing in response.
“No problem.”
“No big deal.”
“I’d have done it for anyone.”

Those do nothing except discount your efforts. Whatever you did might not seem like a big deal to you but it might have been for the other person. What I coach people so say is one of the following:

“That’s part of the great service you can expect when you deal with [company name].” Or
“That’s part of the great service you can expect when you deal with me!”

Why do this? Because, when you reinforce your great service time and time again, people start associating you with great service. The subconscious drives much more of your behavior than you realize and it’s the same for other people. The more you do something like I’ve suggested to set yourself apart, the more people will form that positive association and think of you next time they need something.

Too often when I interview people for sales positions they talk about providing great service but never talk about selling it. Great service and selling are two different things, just like a great product is different than selling. The problem is, people will take your great service for granted…if you don’t “sell” it.

So here’s where you want to end up. Let’s say you’ve reinforced your good deeds time and time again. After a while people pick up the phone and call you before they call a competitor because you’ve formed that association and they realize, consciously or unconsciously, they can rely on you. It’s easy enough, one simple sentence so why not give it a try?

As for Michael Jackson, strange or not, it’s too bad he’ll never fully know the impact he had on people and how much people loved him for that. To a lesser degree we all impact people and are impacted by people so this might be a nice time to let someone (parent, coach, friend, etc.) know how much they’ve influenced your life.

Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”

Need Something Done?

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Suppose it’s Monday the 22nd and you need to get a report to your boss by next Monday, the 29th. Life’s never easy and in your case, in order to get the report done, you need some stats from a coworker in another department. This is big because your report, after being reviewed by the boss, will be incorporated into the CEO’s quarterly board report. How are you going to make your request to that coworker to ensure the best chance of getting what you need in time to fulfill your obligation?

After nearly 25 years in the working world my observation is that most people will shoot an email off to the coworker that’s basic and to the point, “Harold, I need the quarterly sales numbers with profit by Friday.” That’s completely legitimate but doomed to fail quite often. So how do we start recreating the message to ensure success?

First of all, don’t tell, ask. The principle of consistency tells us people are far more likely to do something that’s in line with something they’ve previously said or done, so a key to success is to get them to commit. It would be easy enough to get the coworker to commit by asking him for help rather than telling him. So our message changes to, “Harold, can you get me the quarterly sales numbers with profit by Friday?” Your request has gone from a statement to a question. If
Harold says “Yes” your odds of success just went up significantly. After all, people feel good about themselves when their words and deeds match so Harold will probably try a little harder to make sure he lives up to what he committed to.

But wait, Harold’s a busy guy and despite being a nice guy, he feels he’s too busy to help out. A knee jerk response might be, “Alice, I’d love to help but I’m just too busy right now” — and your heart sinks. Not so fast, there might be a way around this potential problem! A better request would have been, “Harold, can you get me the quarterly sales numbers with profit by Wednesday?”

Why is asking with a small buffer a better tactic? The rule of reciprocity tells us people feel obligated to give to us when we give first. If Harold says no to Wednesday then you’d want to come back immediately with something like this, “I understand completely Harold, it’s never been busier around here. Could you possibly get the numbers by Friday?” Studies show when you make a second request, offering a concession immediately after someone says no, they’re very likely to concede too which means you might just hear “yes” to that second request.

We’re not done just yet because there’s one more strategy you could employ, the word “because.” You’ll recall from my post several weeks ago, Because I said so!, when you use the word “because” it’s almost like an automatic trigger and people tend to comply with requests when we give them a reason. So here’s how the master persuader approaches this request:

“Harold, can you get me the quarterly sales numbers with profit by
Wednesday because I need them for the board report?”

This approach uses “because,” which gives the best chance of hearing “Yes!” It’s also in a question format which engages consistency, upping the odds that Harold will follow through. And, should Harold say no, you have an opportunity to engage reciprocity by making a concession and falling back to Friday.

Could Harold still say no to Friday? Sure. But think about the person who regularly makes requests as I’ve just laid out vs. John Doe who always tells people what he needs with no forethought to timing or reason. Who do you think will be successful more often? Certainly the savvy communicator. That translates into more work accomplished on time and probably under budget. That’s most likely the person who’s in line for a raise or promotion because work is about results. Now you can have results because you know the keys to making successful requests.

Brian
Helping you Learn to Hear “Yes!”

When You’re Wrong, Admit it Quickly and Emphatically

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“When you’re wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.” If that sounds familiar it’s becau
se it’s advice that been around since 1935, the year Dale Carnegie published How to Win Friends and Influence People. Carnegie observed the lives of successful people during his day and looked at what worked for him when he wrote that classic book. I call it a classic because so many books come and go but you can still find How to Win Friends and Influence People at any bookstore today, more than 70 years after it first came out! I highly recommend it.

The reason I chose this topic this week is twofold. First, admitting when you’re wrong shows weakness and vulnerability. Contrary to popular opinion, admitting weakness can actually help enhance your authority. The principle of authority tells us people typically look to those with superior knowledge when making decisions. If you want to be persuasive you need to establish your authority so people will listen to you. Authority is established by conveying expertise and credibility. You’re seen as more credible when you show your humanity, that you make mistakes and are honest enough to own up to them.

Dale Carnegie didn’t have social science experiments to fall back on when he told people to own up to their faults quickly but what that advice did was tap into the principle of authority. That’s why owning up to mistakes can be so powerful.

The other reason for this topic at this time is because of a mistake I recently made. I was working with my boss to send an email to some insurance agency owners. They were personalized with the name of each agency owner and agency name on each email. Without getting into technical detail, we used Microsoft Word and the “track changes” feature was left on. Every email went out with the correct name…and the incorrect name crossed out right next to it! Needless to say, as the one with the “technical expertise” on the project I was shocked. My boss was none too happy either since the email went out under his name.

We did the only thing we could; we got a note of apology out immediately. The email that followed said we were trying to add a personal touch to the original email and then acknowledge our mistake. While there were a few snippy replies to our original email with the error, we were flooded with replies to the second email…all positive!

I really believe in this day and age, when so many prominent people fail to simply admit their mistakes, these agents found it refreshing that someone finally admitted to a blunder. One agent told my boss he ought to run for public office.

Think about this for a moment; what if Alex Rodriguez (A-Rod) had admitted to Katie Couric during that now famous interview that he indeed had taken steroids? I believe baseball fans
would have said, “Finally, someone who doesn’t have to get caught, go before Congress or have a scandal to force the truth.” Had he done that, I believe A-Rod would have been put on a pedestal and admired as an example of how to handle yourself once you’ve blown it and you know you have. An admission followed up by hard work in an effort to restore his name would not have left him as tainted as he is today.

I’m not saying you can always come up smelling like roses but you probably are far better off than waiting to get caught. On a personal note I’ve seen this to be the case on many occasions. I remember one occassion in particular where I could have treated a store Wal-Mart manager better than I did. While I never said or did anything I was ashamed of, I let my anger at the situation, which was out of his control, show and I’m sure it made for a bad evening for him.

I called him a couple of days later and apologized for how I acted. His first response was, “You didn’t act bad compared to other customers.” I told him that may be true but it still wasn’t the way I know I should have acted. His response was great, “You just made my day. No, you made my week. If you ever need anything you just ask for me by name.”

I could have blown that off but then his day, his week, would not have been as bright. It also made my day and taught me a valuable lesson. That lesson has been passed on to my daughter (she was with me when I got mad), to many people I’ve taught and now it’s been passed on to you. So, next time you’re wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically!

Brian
Teaching You to Hear “Yes!”